Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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3 C' Z1 A5 g3 E/ |% O7 J% H> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
) L" y; \5 e: O7 r* _> > > >little TONY.
. M  p% \: U- ?$ w/ s+ |> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
# ]0 H% `; S9 {. g>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
- m6 L1 u' U8 q  V( l  R$ \3 p> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
1 u- }3 R. x. B> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
% n6 Y6 ~/ i# t' u$ V5 q>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
' H: `# S/ {/ W. }& m+ \$ Q> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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$ G" M- Z  a/ e7 Y2 D2 l: A> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
4 O- w. l6 i" i. o% ?) _8 w> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
6 h( m* K) H4 ~/ c; |0 N0 O6 \> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
  D5 A% N, p$ W1 i% {> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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, b% _/ j( R  Y1 x> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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. N* g' [+ F0 @  |> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
: `+ A$ Z; l5 t  Z$ ~> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
9 }- |! S! h. x) A2 z8 q0 _' _> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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: s5 ], S8 ]. F& j. Y" M> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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* G: v1 M" f# E5 t) B& ?; U> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
3 o1 o% R! w7 p' \> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
% z! e4 G  F3 w# h1 [> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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. q+ v; k  B* a: a9 H> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
1 M3 C: i' E, {& [> > > >same sentence twice.
  H  [- |$ v! Z' G, e> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
: U& o- T" a0 K. l* G+ Q> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
/ Q0 @7 x5 q" d# K. ?> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
' \" G3 M; V/ a  y& B+ \1 U4 [> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
5 X) w1 j1 q3 y& p> > > >beautifully."
" L0 g1 ~7 n! L; E: l8 B- l/ V> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
/ p0 c( m7 z2 V/ c> > > >called on little TONY.
$ P' h6 j1 h0 |> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
2 `$ {0 `  F5 D7 k3 T9 [- A  J> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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& e6 k' ~: D' [0 @2 x, M9 S> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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4 S: i- A0 R( V- j0 T  z> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
; b" ?+ e: G2 m4 R# u5 r> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
% ?; k) Z  K5 P- Q) R& ?  q) o7 l> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
+ u! E$ o; q/ s6 w" H* E0 Y3 t' W0 q> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
" I' u% Y2 F. `4 Z6 J0 l> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
: {0 t& K' j1 E8 q" Z7 O> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business