Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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- _; o' W- c+ V8 a+ {+ p5 iCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
% ?+ C% F  I. m4 A) v. S+ T! NCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
1 S  ?* I5 k' k1 hBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

6 z; @! I# _& b  ^  wVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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6 L9 ?: Z4 E& f3 x6 m* fSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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0 G! b7 [- I" u) T" }5 v# \STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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" ?8 O/ L& X5 N& a, I0 eMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

; N0 d8 X6 q% zWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

6 d9 H% F; g% }5 S+ VINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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3 X" N4 K$ ^5 I0 M. q8 g8 C$ L) gPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 M+ q# i& }  H& z! r9 gBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
2 M* {; B+ C0 VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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) I; G; n1 d1 ~$ X. j. J( K- a) |What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵