Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
7 v( g4 a( _7 E% H: J: @5 Y" ^> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
3 p" P6 x) S& b>thinking."
9 z* X. d1 f* z8 E" p> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
4 Q8 t( f* x4 L6 B9 X> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
% h$ E: Y2 L  ^) n! c9 l> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
; Q: J  q9 l2 N% p: ]; }. [8 ~>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
9 m- q1 U" P. @" |+ }4 c> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
+ K) I3 p' G0 x4 s3 Y& W0 d> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
+ N: K, R9 Q( s/ g0 C. H2 O" h8 C' e> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
7 P5 ~' E  y, u& D: C> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
5 T# W( z2 g/ v% T; F7 X/ V3 K: U6 \> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
& V  X' {9 R& G0 R> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
6 ]: @* q/ a0 p$ _> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
0 N3 {" z) u" s; ^3 _: a> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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& C& D: p* Y; p8 }$ l/ x0 J. W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
1 Z* L( p) S# O3 y> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
9 A2 g' M% b: K> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
( T# w- g! |+ J> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
/ m! Q2 r! ?; i> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
! p# K9 x5 e+ W; s) N) |: f> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
+ J6 w$ c( S+ D3 H" t7 D+ `6 Z> > > >allow
9 E7 v+ b1 r' ^7 G# R> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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% R* c4 y, ^/ a1 o. q2 Q% e1 B* c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
4 _' F( l2 y$ U9 u> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
3 j- ~4 }$ K$ ~  k! Y! h% L# q> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
2 k9 `% X% r, o  v> > > >beautifully."
6 n' B/ b8 J6 c# r: w: H$ B> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
2 E( S5 q' P+ s0 m, j5 e" S> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
2 X1 W5 N) o5 t, }$ S) E7 v> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
- M2 r1 }  K& z) @% a/ E2 l> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
1 O3 Q& |4 d( ]> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business