Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
  j4 D# C" w& k( H3 B& tCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
! e0 ~. x5 B; \( x, u/ U: jBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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6 f9 m! I0 U9 P0 l! S, GVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

5 {/ Q+ H+ R: R; I: kBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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, }  }" U5 ]1 {. |' [# ?# XSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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+ ]) w( z/ |0 R# a7 k' m5 c4 ?' R4 s6 FFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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  X  D7 V4 {" R+ i# zMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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' v6 Y" `" P2 A1 CWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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4 E' h: r" Q; r9 K/ L' X+ u. G' R9 wPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
" p7 L% h7 c% V. {/ Y8 wWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
. \' D# k- S  N8 R+ TBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
4 G1 f" h4 l! _1 VBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

! k7 o& [- L- r3 O# B3 ^5 ~: ~. J                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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3 C5 u/ }/ i5 |/ i3 o9 O$ S9 j                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵