Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

2 r' n# _, _9 b3 A- vP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

2 H$ D1 `& s8 `, \$ ^: c9 lBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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, b$ Y' Q3 V" y3 b! n# @STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

4 Q& n6 _& a# j; `% O3 Q, UFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

. {- f. y3 p* \& VMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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0 ?% }; G) v* o0 {9 B: lWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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/ [6 i+ R. k$ BPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
. c# h9 W3 R; ]/ K8 aWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
% g3 Y& |( \/ v  [0 h) PBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
+ b* J- U8 a7 {" l3 a, a2 UBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵