Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

* I: \' f! D! R; f0 z7 q4 m  ?7 ~CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
& l& E- S# H, z. [, W! z) JCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

& _( @9 O$ w# Q3 d! S3 q/ _% f! c1 ~BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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. s7 W3 v, ^5 R4 f' e9 o6 _: w1 nVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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" z6 `% v+ M- zSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

, L* M4 c: U7 i5 w8 S- {5 z1 VFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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0 \% k6 D& h6 _4 q  CYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

- R  h4 }% }# P! v( [* U" ^/ uINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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$ ?+ |# u" X& JIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
: s1 y$ E& ^2 }6 FWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
* ~6 X/ O) X! V  |/ h( HBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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( I. J, W5 r9 f) f8 K- lPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵